Thursday, September 25, 2008
7 REASONS WHY FEMALES GET HURT IN RELATIONSHIP
I wonder why I keep putting off the sequel to the piece “LOVE WAN TITI” despite my readers craving to see the conclusion. Well to tell the truth, I have not been sleeping well so I have lost all effort to write. I forced myself to sleep at 3.00am this morning after entertaining myself with the DVD - 24, Season 5. The film was so gripping that I forgot the time and the fact that I had to work the next day. I was immediately awoken at 6.00a.m to do my normal chores before bolting to work when this article I am about to write came to me
Self Centeredness
Most females enter relationship (consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously) with a self centered motive. No wonder comments like “he has not asked me to marry him and I have let go of other suitors”, “all men are bad”, “I have feelings for that guy and he is not asking me out”, etc. Since females are crammed and mostly stuck on relationship issues, it suffices to say that they make no effort to understand the male counterpart. If the male counterpart does not meet their preferences, they get worried unnecessarily and develop a pattern of helplessness. They fail to see their contribution in the whole relationship problem and continue casting blame. This in itself is one of the greatest issues of relationship amidst other self imposed vices.
Openness in Communication
Females have a firm belief that they are wired naturally not be open in dealing with their male counterparts. Imagine a female going steady with a guy for 3 years and expecting to get married without voicing her intentions. Why spend 3 years with a guy and you can not tell him how you feel? Why believe that you will lose something by speaking openly with a guy you intend to marry? The only thing you will lose is pride and fear. My dear females, you are not wired to be closed, you chose to be closed because you are afraid of the outcome of being open.
The Weakling Mentality
Females actually believe they are the weaker sex so they allow the man define their happiness. The cultural conditioning gives them this “I need to be pampered and taken care of” mentality. Truth the told, you are created to be a help-meet to a man not to be pampered by a man. You may not be as physically strong as a man but you have a stronger influence. What you lack, you are compensated by other sense of strength. Females fail to maximize their potential for the good of the relationship but sit back defining set of roles for themselves.
A female friend complained to me that she has been slapped by her husband and she wanted a divorce. Then I asked what she did but she claimed she did not do anything. I asked her if her husband had a mental problem and she looked at me obviously shocked with the question. She said no. I asked her if she has ever heard or seen her husband slapped other females like his colleague or even her sister. She said no. So your husband woke up one morning looked at you and slapped you. She did not wait for me to explain as she called me a chauvinistic pig. After much discourse, she finally made me understand she had nagged and insulted him because he failed to keep to a promise of buying her a shoe.
Trust is not Love
Many females do not know the difference between trust and love. The story above indicates females’ inability to love without trust. From my friend’s story, that was the first time the man hit him and she was obviously shocked at his reaction. Since, I can not judge the man without hearing his own side of the story, I told her she was expected to love her hubby and trust God. Man is fallible, no matter how wonderful he appears and perfects himself to be. If females have it in the back of their mind that every man out there is not perfect, it will easier for them to transit issues flawlessly. They will commit their man to God, and confirm his strength not emphasize on his weakness. Jesus loved humans but did not commit himself to them because he knew they were weak.
Lack of Kingship
Most females lack Kingship; they fail to understand their rights to protect their relationship territory. God made man; male and female he made them. The first assignment he gave this male and female is to dominate their territory. Most females do not know their role as partner to their husband. They are expected to lift their families to God and bear the burdens of the relationship with the man. A girl is going out with a guy and she is praying for the guy to ask her hand in marriage instead of praying for the guy’s solvency to life’s issues like financial, political and social. She expects to be a liability instead of an asset to the man. She looks down upon herself and tells God that only this man can make her happy. If you pray for the man’s success (not putting one leg out and one leg in), God will reward you with the man.
Commit to the Relationship
Females get overwhelmed by deep emotional turmoil so in order to free themselves; they look for the easy alternative which is to guard their heart from such pains. This alternative could easily be avoided if their perspective to relationship was different- commit to the relationship not to the man. The man is subject to change because he is human and it may be difficult to handle such evolution. You will be able to adapt to his new state of mind of the man, if you commit to the relationship instead of the man. An example is a man that looses his job and decides to drink as a solace to his problem. If you commit to the man, it will be difficult to pray for him without seeing him in the light of his present position. This nullifies your belief which is a prerequisite for answered prayers.
Lack of Purpose
Before a woman enters a committed relationship, she is expected to have a defined purpose which should align with the purpose of the proposed man. When a female has a purpose, it is easy to decipher your emotional weakness when choosing your life partner. If you base your relationship on an ephemeral stuff like the kind of car he drives, how good he is in bed or how tall he is, you will end up getting hurt after 2 years into that said relationship. Choose your partner based on purpose so you will have something to hinge on during crisis which is inevitable.
Self Centeredness
Most females enter relationship (consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously) with a self centered motive. No wonder comments like “he has not asked me to marry him and I have let go of other suitors”, “all men are bad”, “I have feelings for that guy and he is not asking me out”, etc. Since females are crammed and mostly stuck on relationship issues, it suffices to say that they make no effort to understand the male counterpart. If the male counterpart does not meet their preferences, they get worried unnecessarily and develop a pattern of helplessness. They fail to see their contribution in the whole relationship problem and continue casting blame. This in itself is one of the greatest issues of relationship amidst other self imposed vices.
Openness in Communication
Females have a firm belief that they are wired naturally not be open in dealing with their male counterparts. Imagine a female going steady with a guy for 3 years and expecting to get married without voicing her intentions. Why spend 3 years with a guy and you can not tell him how you feel? Why believe that you will lose something by speaking openly with a guy you intend to marry? The only thing you will lose is pride and fear. My dear females, you are not wired to be closed, you chose to be closed because you are afraid of the outcome of being open.
The Weakling Mentality
Females actually believe they are the weaker sex so they allow the man define their happiness. The cultural conditioning gives them this “I need to be pampered and taken care of” mentality. Truth the told, you are created to be a help-meet to a man not to be pampered by a man. You may not be as physically strong as a man but you have a stronger influence. What you lack, you are compensated by other sense of strength. Females fail to maximize their potential for the good of the relationship but sit back defining set of roles for themselves.
A female friend complained to me that she has been slapped by her husband and she wanted a divorce. Then I asked what she did but she claimed she did not do anything. I asked her if her husband had a mental problem and she looked at me obviously shocked with the question. She said no. I asked her if she has ever heard or seen her husband slapped other females like his colleague or even her sister. She said no. So your husband woke up one morning looked at you and slapped you. She did not wait for me to explain as she called me a chauvinistic pig. After much discourse, she finally made me understand she had nagged and insulted him because he failed to keep to a promise of buying her a shoe.
Trust is not Love
Many females do not know the difference between trust and love. The story above indicates females’ inability to love without trust. From my friend’s story, that was the first time the man hit him and she was obviously shocked at his reaction. Since, I can not judge the man without hearing his own side of the story, I told her she was expected to love her hubby and trust God. Man is fallible, no matter how wonderful he appears and perfects himself to be. If females have it in the back of their mind that every man out there is not perfect, it will easier for them to transit issues flawlessly. They will commit their man to God, and confirm his strength not emphasize on his weakness. Jesus loved humans but did not commit himself to them because he knew they were weak.
Lack of Kingship
Most females lack Kingship; they fail to understand their rights to protect their relationship territory. God made man; male and female he made them. The first assignment he gave this male and female is to dominate their territory. Most females do not know their role as partner to their husband. They are expected to lift their families to God and bear the burdens of the relationship with the man. A girl is going out with a guy and she is praying for the guy to ask her hand in marriage instead of praying for the guy’s solvency to life’s issues like financial, political and social. She expects to be a liability instead of an asset to the man. She looks down upon herself and tells God that only this man can make her happy. If you pray for the man’s success (not putting one leg out and one leg in), God will reward you with the man.
Commit to the Relationship
Females get overwhelmed by deep emotional turmoil so in order to free themselves; they look for the easy alternative which is to guard their heart from such pains. This alternative could easily be avoided if their perspective to relationship was different- commit to the relationship not to the man. The man is subject to change because he is human and it may be difficult to handle such evolution. You will be able to adapt to his new state of mind of the man, if you commit to the relationship instead of the man. An example is a man that looses his job and decides to drink as a solace to his problem. If you commit to the man, it will be difficult to pray for him without seeing him in the light of his present position. This nullifies your belief which is a prerequisite for answered prayers.
Lack of Purpose
Before a woman enters a committed relationship, she is expected to have a defined purpose which should align with the purpose of the proposed man. When a female has a purpose, it is easy to decipher your emotional weakness when choosing your life partner. If you base your relationship on an ephemeral stuff like the kind of car he drives, how good he is in bed or how tall he is, you will end up getting hurt after 2 years into that said relationship. Choose your partner based on purpose so you will have something to hinge on during crisis which is inevitable.
76 THINGS YOU CAN DO
By Scott Hughes
Most people aren’t Warriors, and I’m fine with it. Most people do things that don’t make sense. I’ve learned to accept the non –sense that fills this world. [Part of being a Warrior is accepting that most other people are not Warriors, and accepting them.] Still, the point is that people do things that don’t make sense. They whine, complain, and cry over problems they can easily change. They get depressed over problems they cause for themselves.
For example, lazy people often whine that they don’t make money. Selfish people complain that they don’t have more friends. Most people sabotage all their romantic relationships and then complain that they don’t have a lover.
Granted, sometimes when something bad happens to a person it’s a bad luck. For example, you could be sitting in your well-built home while reading the newspaper and a tornado could tear your home up. However, usually when you don’t like what’s happening in your life, it’s your own damn fault. It’s your own fault if you’re fat, lazy, uneducated, lonely, etc.
In the following, I list 76 things that you can do to be more successful. You choose to do them or not. If you choose not to do these things, then you have no right to complain about your problems; your problems are your fault!
1. Stop watching television.
2. Stop eating fast food.
3. Stop eating pizza and fried foods.
4. Stop driving places that you could easily walk to.
5. Read at least 1 book a month.
6. Take classes in what interests you or your vocation.
7. Work enough to support yourself, and if needed get a new job or second job to make enough to support yourself. Never stick with a job doesn’t pay enough to support yourself no matter how much you work.
8. Pay off your debts and don’t go in debt. You can pay off your debts if you avoid needless expenses, such as cable, overpriced clothes, impractical decorations, unhealthy snacks, jewellery, etc.
9. Don’t buy a car on finance, and don’t buy an expensive car if a cheaper one that works is available.
10. Wake up early and get all your work done as quickly as possible. That includes household chores, as well as your employment.
11. Drink alcohol less or quit.
12. Do drugs less or quit.
13. Don’t smoke cigarettes.
14. Don’t eat foods with high fructose corn syrup.
15. Don’t drink soda.
16. Don’t eat sugary foods at all.
17. Don’t drink more than 1 glass of juice per day.
18. Stand up straight and have good posture.
19. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them.
20. Smile.
21. Be polite.
22. Keep your promises.
23. Wear a watch, if you can afford it.
24. Eat breakfast.
25. If you eat cereal at any time, choose your cereal based on healthiness not tastiness.
26. Exercise at least 3 days per week.
27. Walk often.
28. Always write with correct spelling and grammar.
29. Never speak worse about a person behind their back than you do to their face [feel free to say nicer things about a person behind their back than to their face.]
30. Don’t gossip and don’t have a big mouth.
31. Never judge other people harsher than you judge yourself.
32. Make new years resolution, but make one every day instead of every year.
33. Volunteer
34. Forgive, but never forget.
35. Don’t have skeletons in your closet.
36. Keep as few secret as reasonably possible.
37. Despite the rule before this one, keep your friends’ secret.
38. Politely tell people that you will not betray your friends’ trust, when you are asked about their secrets and such.
39. Volunteering [i.e. activism] is more important than voting. If you can do both, good for you. If you only have time for one, volunteer instead of voting. If makes more of a difference.
40. Privately question your own values.
41. Avoid questioning other people’s values, especially in public.
42. Listen more than you talk.
43. Use journal to count how many calories you consume per day.
44. Use journal to count how many calories you burn per day.
45. If you want to loss weight, burn slightly more than you consume. If you want to gain weight, consume slightly more than you burn. If you are happy with your weight, try to burn the same amount as you consume.
46. Weigh yourself daily at the same time[s].
47. Write your daily weight down in a journal.
48. Never allow the police to search you, your car, or your belongings if you don’t have something to hide.
49. Never tell other people that you think they or something they are doing is immoral or sinful.
50. Keep your moral values and religion to yourself. Use them to direct your own actions.
51. Ask people how they are often and listen to their answer.
52. Laugh at other people’s joke, but not your own.
53. Shower at least once per day.
54. Wash your hands, even if you aren’t an employee.
55. Take care of the elderly, which includes spending time with them and talking to them.
56. Avoid going places where you need to be waited on.
57. Wait on yourself wherever possible.
58. Make your friends look good.
59. Avoid lying.
60. Don’t pretend to be more successful, popular, etc.
61. Treat other people as if they are better than they are. Treat them as if they are more successful, popular, etc.
62. Don’t brag about your talents, instead, surprise people with them when they just happen to be called upon.
63. Sit up straight.
64. Keep your house clean.
65. If you have either of them, keep your car and office clean.
66. Stretch daily. [I do yoga most mornings.]
67. Dance.
68. Take dancing lessons if you could use improvement.
69. Ask other people [e.g. your friends, your co-workers, your boss, etc.] what their favorite book is, and read it.
70. Ask their favorite song or band, and listen to it.
71. Ask their favorite movie, and watch it.
72. Don’t be camera shy.
73. When your alarm goes off in the morning [if you use one], don’t press snooze.
74. Make a budget and follow it.
75. Say “I love you” often to the people you feel this way about.
76. Always turning off lights when leaving a room, unless of course there are in the room. For that matter, conserving any unnecessary electricity usage is the future of humanity.
Most people aren’t Warriors, and I’m fine with it. Most people do things that don’t make sense. I’ve learned to accept the non –sense that fills this world. [Part of being a Warrior is accepting that most other people are not Warriors, and accepting them.] Still, the point is that people do things that don’t make sense. They whine, complain, and cry over problems they can easily change. They get depressed over problems they cause for themselves.
For example, lazy people often whine that they don’t make money. Selfish people complain that they don’t have more friends. Most people sabotage all their romantic relationships and then complain that they don’t have a lover.
Granted, sometimes when something bad happens to a person it’s a bad luck. For example, you could be sitting in your well-built home while reading the newspaper and a tornado could tear your home up. However, usually when you don’t like what’s happening in your life, it’s your own damn fault. It’s your own fault if you’re fat, lazy, uneducated, lonely, etc.
In the following, I list 76 things that you can do to be more successful. You choose to do them or not. If you choose not to do these things, then you have no right to complain about your problems; your problems are your fault!
1. Stop watching television.
2. Stop eating fast food.
3. Stop eating pizza and fried foods.
4. Stop driving places that you could easily walk to.
5. Read at least 1 book a month.
6. Take classes in what interests you or your vocation.
7. Work enough to support yourself, and if needed get a new job or second job to make enough to support yourself. Never stick with a job doesn’t pay enough to support yourself no matter how much you work.
8. Pay off your debts and don’t go in debt. You can pay off your debts if you avoid needless expenses, such as cable, overpriced clothes, impractical decorations, unhealthy snacks, jewellery, etc.
9. Don’t buy a car on finance, and don’t buy an expensive car if a cheaper one that works is available.
10. Wake up early and get all your work done as quickly as possible. That includes household chores, as well as your employment.
11. Drink alcohol less or quit.
12. Do drugs less or quit.
13. Don’t smoke cigarettes.
14. Don’t eat foods with high fructose corn syrup.
15. Don’t drink soda.
16. Don’t eat sugary foods at all.
17. Don’t drink more than 1 glass of juice per day.
18. Stand up straight and have good posture.
19. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them.
20. Smile.
21. Be polite.
22. Keep your promises.
23. Wear a watch, if you can afford it.
24. Eat breakfast.
25. If you eat cereal at any time, choose your cereal based on healthiness not tastiness.
26. Exercise at least 3 days per week.
27. Walk often.
28. Always write with correct spelling and grammar.
29. Never speak worse about a person behind their back than you do to their face [feel free to say nicer things about a person behind their back than to their face.]
30. Don’t gossip and don’t have a big mouth.
31. Never judge other people harsher than you judge yourself.
32. Make new years resolution, but make one every day instead of every year.
33. Volunteer
34. Forgive, but never forget.
35. Don’t have skeletons in your closet.
36. Keep as few secret as reasonably possible.
37. Despite the rule before this one, keep your friends’ secret.
38. Politely tell people that you will not betray your friends’ trust, when you are asked about their secrets and such.
39. Volunteering [i.e. activism] is more important than voting. If you can do both, good for you. If you only have time for one, volunteer instead of voting. If makes more of a difference.
40. Privately question your own values.
41. Avoid questioning other people’s values, especially in public.
42. Listen more than you talk.
43. Use journal to count how many calories you consume per day.
44. Use journal to count how many calories you burn per day.
45. If you want to loss weight, burn slightly more than you consume. If you want to gain weight, consume slightly more than you burn. If you are happy with your weight, try to burn the same amount as you consume.
46. Weigh yourself daily at the same time[s].
47. Write your daily weight down in a journal.
48. Never allow the police to search you, your car, or your belongings if you don’t have something to hide.
49. Never tell other people that you think they or something they are doing is immoral or sinful.
50. Keep your moral values and religion to yourself. Use them to direct your own actions.
51. Ask people how they are often and listen to their answer.
52. Laugh at other people’s joke, but not your own.
53. Shower at least once per day.
54. Wash your hands, even if you aren’t an employee.
55. Take care of the elderly, which includes spending time with them and talking to them.
56. Avoid going places where you need to be waited on.
57. Wait on yourself wherever possible.
58. Make your friends look good.
59. Avoid lying.
60. Don’t pretend to be more successful, popular, etc.
61. Treat other people as if they are better than they are. Treat them as if they are more successful, popular, etc.
62. Don’t brag about your talents, instead, surprise people with them when they just happen to be called upon.
63. Sit up straight.
64. Keep your house clean.
65. If you have either of them, keep your car and office clean.
66. Stretch daily. [I do yoga most mornings.]
67. Dance.
68. Take dancing lessons if you could use improvement.
69. Ask other people [e.g. your friends, your co-workers, your boss, etc.] what their favorite book is, and read it.
70. Ask their favorite song or band, and listen to it.
71. Ask their favorite movie, and watch it.
72. Don’t be camera shy.
73. When your alarm goes off in the morning [if you use one], don’t press snooze.
74. Make a budget and follow it.
75. Say “I love you” often to the people you feel this way about.
76. Always turning off lights when leaving a room, unless of course there are in the room. For that matter, conserving any unnecessary electricity usage is the future of humanity.
Monday, September 22, 2008
NIGERIAN BLOGGERS CONFERENCE
The conference started with the second stanza of the national anthem and at the conference, my eyes was opened to opportunity on how to convert my blog to money making machine. For example read what Olugbenga Aijotan said about “Online Advertising Media; Beyond Google Adsense” which he presented at the bloggers conference. It focused basically on the need to embrace corporate advertising on blogs with high traffic. It goes beyond slapping adsense codes on blog sites. While adsense is the best way to start online advertising, it is important that bloggers that command traffic and constant hits to their blogs should consider blog sponsorship as a way of increasing revenue.
I personally see the emergence of a new blogging industry that the corporate world will want to associate with. It will give so much credibility that at some point, blogging will become a source of living for many bloggers.
Earlier on in the conference; Gbenga Sesan generally dished out blogging 101. He took the audience through the definition of a blog and how his passion for blogging was stirred by the fact that he wants to live footprints. Gbenga also saw blogging as an avenue to publish articles that most nigerian newspaper do not feel comfortable publishing. Gbenga did said something that thrilled me, and that was the fact that he does not blog on negative news as there are bad news about Nigeria already.
Olumide on the other hands, and from his presentation, did talked about owning a personal domain and the issue of “findability” as owning a domain name enables blogger to keep ranking in Search Engines even if blog sites were moved. He further stressed that Owning a domain name shows seriousness about blogging.
Anu did expose more on RSS & RSS readers. most blogs do come automatically with RSS, but not many people uses an RSS reader. Anu did speak about the ease of being updated about feeds from blogs that have just updated their blogs. RSS readers sure definitely save as much as 50% of time used in checking blogs to see if they’ve updated or not.
Other topic that were openly discussed include driving traffic to blogs, How to make money with blog, carving out a niche & new media.
Deolu spoke more about why blogs die in the first place.Consistency and patience matters. He also spoke on “online space” as similar to owning a land that has a value that is directly relational to the function of development, use and activity.
After the sessions, the conference was closed with the second stanza of the national anthem. we then did some paparazzi photo shoot (whatever you call it…lol) and then some networking. Don’t envy the man, who is eating fruits, he planted the tree 20 years ago. Plant your own now.
I personally see the emergence of a new blogging industry that the corporate world will want to associate with. It will give so much credibility that at some point, blogging will become a source of living for many bloggers.
Earlier on in the conference; Gbenga Sesan generally dished out blogging 101. He took the audience through the definition of a blog and how his passion for blogging was stirred by the fact that he wants to live footprints. Gbenga also saw blogging as an avenue to publish articles that most nigerian newspaper do not feel comfortable publishing. Gbenga did said something that thrilled me, and that was the fact that he does not blog on negative news as there are bad news about Nigeria already.
Olumide on the other hands, and from his presentation, did talked about owning a personal domain and the issue of “findability” as owning a domain name enables blogger to keep ranking in Search Engines even if blog sites were moved. He further stressed that Owning a domain name shows seriousness about blogging.
Anu did expose more on RSS & RSS readers. most blogs do come automatically with RSS, but not many people uses an RSS reader. Anu did speak about the ease of being updated about feeds from blogs that have just updated their blogs. RSS readers sure definitely save as much as 50% of time used in checking blogs to see if they’ve updated or not.
Other topic that were openly discussed include driving traffic to blogs, How to make money with blog, carving out a niche & new media.
Deolu spoke more about why blogs die in the first place.Consistency and patience matters. He also spoke on “online space” as similar to owning a land that has a value that is directly relational to the function of development, use and activity.
After the sessions, the conference was closed with the second stanza of the national anthem. we then did some paparazzi photo shoot (whatever you call it…lol) and then some networking. Don’t envy the man, who is eating fruits, he planted the tree 20 years ago. Plant your own now.
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